so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
