Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
