Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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