Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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