There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
