is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
