I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
