Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
