My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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