You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
