you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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