Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
