Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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