honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
