Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
