i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
We need to rekindle our bromance
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
