i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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