:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
