Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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