In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
