those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
