That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
