Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
