I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
