Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
