You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Randomize
