Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Randomize
