it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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