So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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