I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
