winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
