I accidentally burped into my bong.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
