The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
