Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
