Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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