This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
