True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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