sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
