is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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