I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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