Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
