i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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