I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I lost the right to judge tonight
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
