Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
