my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
