he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Acid is not a monday night drug
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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