I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
