no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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