I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My vagina just clenched in fear
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
