Got a toothbrush?
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
