mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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